Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come by Jessica Pan
Jessica Pan’s memoir “Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come” chronicles her year-long journey of living as an extrovert despite being what she calls a “shintrovert” – a shy introvert. In this compelling narrative, Pan takes on a series of increasingly daunting challenges that push her far beyond her comfort zone, creating a roadmap for anyone who feels limited by the boundaries they’ve set for themselves.
The book resonates deeply with readers because it addresses a universal truth: many of us use labels we’ve assigned ourselves as excuses to avoid growth. Pan acknowledges early on that she had been “using my introvert label as an excuse to hide from the world.” This realization came after winning a “Midnight Oil” award at work – essentially for selling her soul to a job she didn’t even care about – and recognizing the profound loneliness that had settled into her life in London, where her closest friends lived far away.
What makes Pan’s story so compelling is her willingness to take radical action once she identifies the problem. Rather than merely wishing for change, she systematically confronts her biggest fears: public speaking, talking to strangers, performing standup comedy, and using friend-dating apps to forge new connections. Through each experience, she consults with experts who provide valuable insights into social anxiety, connection, and the psychology behind our fear of putting ourselves out there.
One of the most powerful themes throughout the memoir is Pan’s discovery that “what scares you owns you.” She refuses to be owned by her fears any longer, and through a series of uncomfortable but transformative experiences, she gradually builds confidence not by waiting for it to arrive, but by actively creating it through brave actions. As she puts it, “I’d faked confidence by doing standup and by doing so, created it.” This insight alone makes the book worth reading – the understanding that self-confidence doesn’t find us; we have to push ourselves to do something hard and live through it.
The science behind social connection features prominently throughout the book. Pan cites research showing that talking to strangers during commutes makes people happier, that it takes approximately 50 hours of time together before someone is considered a casual friend (and 90 hours for a real friendship), and that the fear of being intrusive is hugely exaggerated compared to what we should actually fear: “being boring and dying, having never connected to anyone.”
By the end of her year-long experiment, Pan hasn’t transformed into an extrovert. Instead, she’s become what she calls a “grintrovert” – a gregarious introvert who can “extrovert” when she wants or needs to. This nuanced outcome feels authentic and offers hope to readers who don’t want to completely change their personality, but rather expand their capabilities and overcome limiting beliefs. As Pan beautifully states in one of the book’s most quotable lines: “We are more than who we think we are.”
For anyone feeling stuck, lonely, or limited by self-imposed labels, “Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come” offers both inspiration and practical strategies for growth. It reminds us that sometimes saying yes to the things that terrify us is exactly what we need to discover just how capable we truly are.
